


with broad strokes, you colored me

by cornerstones



Series: colliding colors [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Gen, Introspection, M/M, Melancholy, Talking, basically yuzu misses javi at tcc, brian misses javi, brian ships it, we all miss javi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 20:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20088289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cornerstones/pseuds/cornerstones
Summary: It's not until the next day when he enters the Cricket Club and steps onto the familiar ice to start skating figure eights and he looks up – that it hits him. He stops short, his heart skipping several beats and the air around him feels even colder. Then again, the rink has felt colder for some time now.His eyes travel up their wall of flags. "Are you going to get rid of flag?"-----Yuzu finds himself standing underneath the Spanish flag (again).





	with broad strokes, you colored me

**Author's Note:**

> we got a new photo of yuzu & co at tcc and the spanish flag is still there so i wrote this in like half an hour and now... we got this, and i don't know what it is but i hope y'all enjoy :D

Ever since Yuzuru heard the news just before boarding his flight, he's been in a daze he just can't seem to shake off. It's not like the announcement came totally out of the blue, he had been toying with the idea over the past season after all, but reading that Javier Raya is officially retiring left Yuzuru in a weird state.

Rationally he knows it won't affect him or his training too much. Javier had always been a nice rink mate to have around, always friendly, always smiling – not unlike another Javier Yuzuru knows.

He knows Javier has other plans for his future and that he wants to make room in his life for different goals now and that's fine. It's not like with his retirement he'll leave an empty space behind that cannot ever be recovered by another presence, cannot ever be replaced by another person and thus leave Yuzuru feel like he's constantly free falling.

(Like another Javier did.)

And yet during the entirety of his flight back to Canada, Yuzuru can't help but feel unsettled. Something about it he can't name just doesn't sit right with him.

It's not until the next day when he enters the Cricket Club and steps onto the familiar ice to start skating figure eights and he looks up – that it hits him. He stops short, his heart skipping several beats and the air around him feels even colder. Then again, the rink has felt colder for some time now.

He's used to feeling frustrated with himself in this very rink, but it's been a lot of seasons since he's felt this helpless here because of external circumstances. A shaky exhale escapes him.

"Yuzu? Are you okay?"

Brian's sudden voice next to him startles him.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm..."

He could leave it at that and simply skate away, knowing Brian will shake his head at his enigmatic antics but won't pester him about it. He doesn't like being vulnerable like this, being almost laid bare emotionally, not here where he's supposed to concentrate on his work. But with another deep breath he decides that he needs to know.

"Javier is retiring."

"Yeah, I know."

Yuzuru hesitates for another second.

"Cricket won't have any Spanish skaters then anymore."

He hears Brian take a deep breath himself before responding: "Yeah... It's weird without some Spanish flair here, right?"

Yuzuru hums non-committedly. The club has been feeling somewhat weird every now and then for a while now.

"Does that mean..." His eyes travel up their wall of flags. "Are you going to get rid of flag?"

It feels like some sort of admission that sits a bit too close to a truth he's held close to his heart for some time; a secret not to be shared with anyone but himself.

Brian places a hand on his shoulder but Yuzuru doesn't dare look at him. His gaze is zeroed in on the red-yellow-red hanging up high, constantly overlooking the rink with its vibrant colors.

"You wouldn't like that?"

Yuzuru doesn't even try to analyze his tone right now and can only shrug helplessly.

"It's _his_ flag."

He feels Brian's hand squeeze his shoulder for a moment.

"Yeah it is," he says quietly. "Don't worry, it's gonna stay."

A weight he hasn't noticed he carried around with him is suddenly lifted and his breathing comes a little easier.

"Good."

He nods, blinking his eyes rapidly at the sudden emotion welling up. It's silly, he knows, but he feels like at least a little part of Javier will always be a part of TCC that way. Like there's still some part of the connection they cemented here left, even if there's now an ocean separating them. Brian pats his arm gently.

"And just so you know – when the time comes, yours is gonna stay too."

The statement comes unexpected and makes him turn around. He comes face to face with his coach's solemn expression which he answers with a small but genuine smile.

"Thank you," he says, emotion clogging up his throat. The club and its people has been a safe place for him for the longest time now and to know that it won't let go of him that easily fills him with gratitude.

As if wanting to lighten up the atmosphere, Brian gives him a slight smirk.

"Maybe we'll hang your flags next to each other then."

An unbidden blush creeps up his cheeks and he has to turn away from the knowing glint growing in his coach's eyes. He clears his throat.

"You... You don't think he would mind?" His voice sounds fragile, which doesn't help make his blush ebb away and he curses himself internally.

"You could ask him."

He shakes his head before Brian can even finish his sentence.

"I don't think he wants to talk with me."

There's a silence between them after that that stretches on for a beat too long, making him feel too open, too flawed; too _attached_. When Brian speaks again, there's a new, lighter quality to his voice that Yuzuru cannot decode, not when he's still busy trying to rein his emotions in.

"You know, if there's one thing I know for certain about Javi, then it's that he's very much rooted in where he comes from. He will always return to his home."

Yuzuru knows this. _That's why he's in Spain right now and not here_, he thinks bitterly before he can stop his thoughts and he immediately scolds himself. This is what Javier wants, he tries to remind himself – Javier wants this life in Spain, a country with an abundance of warmth where he won't ever feel misplaced.

Yuzuru's always been colder than him anyway.

His thoughts are spiraling down so quickly, he almost misses that Brian wasn't done making his point yet.

"For a long time, the club has been his home, too."

Oh.

"And neither of you are the kind of people to ever truly turn away from the people who love you."

Yuzuru jerks his head around to throw him a wide-eyed look. Secretly he wishes he could still act like he doesn't understand his coach's English all that well after all.

Before he can say anything, Brian raises his hands placatingly, palms up. "I'm just saying..."

His voice trials off and Yuzuru is glad for it.

"I thinking Brian had too long holiday."

He aims for a snide remark but in the end, he only sounds immature and defensive; he knows that if he knew his coach any less, he would flee this conversation immediately to try and remove himself from this situation that's gotten way out of his control.

Even if he doesn't, he would still like to flee from this, but he remains where he's standing on the ice and watches Brian's slowly retreating form instead.

"Okay okay, I get it. So." With that, he sounds like a coach again. "After your warm up give me a run through of your short, alright?"

Nodding, Yuzuru makes to skate away but before he can stop himself his eyes find the Spanish flag again. The lively colors radiate warmth and familiarity and yet again he feels his heart yearning. Turning his back finally, he's mentally calculating how late it might be in Madrid when he's done with his training session. Maybe he should make a call tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> (did any of that even make sense? ah wth it's 4am who cares)
> 
> thank you for reading!
> 
> <3
> 
> (disclaimer: this is set somewhere vaguely in the future, javier raya is not actually retiring - sorry javier for making you a plot device ^_^")


End file.
